Far Far From Home

'Where are you going' asked a big black spider...'

It's a shame that Mark Sainsbury will be looking for another role. I quite liked him, though I have to admit I tend to channel flick between Campbell Live and Close Up for the most interesting stories. Story is really important; much more so than who is presenting it, although it's true to say a bad presenter can kill a good tale. The thing I like most about Mark is his amazing moustache; not that I want it tickling me at all you understand, but I was quite inspired by it for the spider character in the recently released 'Far Far From Home' book I illustrated, written by the lovely Elizabeth Pulford.

I felt that a TV journalist is quite like a spider, trapping people in their lies and wrapping up the show with a thread dangling, ready for the next bite. I salute you Mr Sainsbury; and thank you for your hairy mandibles.

Far Far From Home is published by Scholastic and available at a bookshop near you! (Real spiders not included, cute bug will melt your heart).

Spring Cleaning

There's something about spring isn't there? I'm not normally driven to scrubbing things, but in the last couple of weeks I've moved my studio space within the house, tossed out a lot of books I never look at (to make way for new ones I will), cleaned out the bottom of my wardrobe where odd things lurk, like shoes I will never wear (to make for new ones I will) AND cleaned the kitchen table. That last one might seem like nothing to you, but it is the hub of the house and therefore attracts everything from my sewing box, garden hose fittings, important community notices, our chef son's knife set AND a set of cat paw prints. The cat it seems walks all over it when we aren't looking. This is all in addition to crumbs, cups, plates and packets of cornflour. Sometimes it's just easier to read the paper and have a cup of tea in the lounge...

But September comes and October brings longer days, the promise of warmer weather and a great deal more light- which shows up ALL the clutter. The following is a poem I wrote some years ago for Next Magazine as part of my regular column. It still rings true today though  as I finish organising cupboards and filling plastic bags with things destined for the op shop, I am reminded that the once great tradition of garage sales have been replaced by Trademe...though their fees are now so high and the profit margin therefore so marginal, it might all swing the other way. That would be nice. They were so much fun!

Magpie

There's blossoms on the cherry,

Yellow daffies in the border,

And like a squirrel storing nuts;

I have been a hoarder.

Useful things for later use

Through winter I did store,

But now my cache is breaking free;

I cannot shut the door!

There's twenty cans of spray paint,

All with one burst left,

And my grand attempt at weaving;

It warped but never weft.

Paper bags from fashion shops,

Complete with visa chits,

Giftwrap saved from birthdays past,

And bows with curly bits.

There's baby gear as well of course,

And though I've done with that,

How can I throw out one small sock,

Or a tiny fluffy hat?

Still, with summer ever looming,

Resolution must not fail,

I'll gather strength and sentiment,

For a mighty garage sale!

Illustration Assessment

http://portmanteaunz.blogspot.co.nz/

I've been an illustrator for a long long time. I trained at Wellington Polytechnic (now Massey University) have been a commercial illustration for advertising for 32 years and a children's book illustrator for 28, tutored illustration at Christchurch polytechnic and Massey and well...I know a few things. So does my colleague Adele Jackson. Between us we create illustration for trade and education and are often asked by people wanting to  get published if we can look at their work and give some direction.

It's our business and it's a publisher's business and it's in an aspiring illustrators business to know how work should be presented and crafted for publishing. So, we decided to get business like about this advice and offer an assessment service.

We've called it Portmanteau and you can visit us here and find out what we are all about and what we can do for you.

We are committed to having the very best illustration out there in the world. So if you want yours to stand out and get noticed, we can help you take it out of the bottom draw...or suitcase!

Portmanteau, taking illustration to new places. 

Having a Grimm Time!

Illustration by Robert Anning Bell

UPDATE!
My story got a mention in the Listener! from the highly respected and wonderful Kate Di Goldi. 
"so I’d like to commend several other stories: Jeri and Del, for its economy and wit and re imagining of the witch as a producer of reality television..." 

How cool is that?!

Well, I didn't win the Goethe Institute Grimms fairytale competition and I guess we will find out shortly who has, although nobody I know that entered did (and just about every children's author in NZ had a go!). I wasn't expecting to win at all (no really truly). I wrote it because writing for a competition gives you a really good end point to write for and I have always been deadline driven. Speaking of deadlines I have a book to create for Scholastic by the end of February. Really exciting and I can't really say any more than that except I might have been working my entire creative life to do this book. It's that perfect a topic for me and no, it's not about sauvignon blanc! 

Jeri and Del

(based on Grimm's 'Jorinda and Jorindel')

Once upon a time, in a large field near the River Hutt, there stood a tall tower that dominated the land as far as the eye could see. It was cold, grey and imposing and it was known to all as Avalon.

The tower was ruled by a fearsome witch. Her lips were red as blood, her fingernails sharp and she had a hooked nose that no amount of surgery had managed to fix. She wore her black streaked hair in an exquisitely styled bob and designer clothes only ever graced her back. Her many servants did her bidding in fear, lest they might be put under the axe.

The witch spent her days concocting new formulas by which the ordinary folk might be drugged. They had strange and curious names like 'The Stars Do Dance,' 'Masters of Banqueting' and the most stupefying of all; 'The Hapless Apprentice.' With these she could control and influence the hearts and minds of simple people and consequently dine with the rich and famous. With the aid of her alchemists, sorcerers and the company accountant, she had devised a new and more bewitching enchantment and named it 'Aoteroa Hath Talent'. With it she would be able to capture artless maidens and callow youths then starve and control them until they were slim, stylish and sang like nightingales. They would then be signed up to contracts that would keep them slaves to the Tower forever and make her a real rich witch.

One day, a pair of young lovers, Jeri and Del walked beside the river, picking daisies and sharing a cigarette, which were precious in this land since the King's Treasurer had increased the taxes.

         'I love you so much Del,' said Jeri as she exhaled, 'I want to hang out with you forever and one day maybe like, get a pet?'

Del tucked her tiny hand into his and carried on texting with his other. The rumble and hum of horsepower on the Autobahn beyond was suddenly broken by a sweet sound filling the air around them.

        'It's Lady Gaga!' said Jeri, 'I so want to be like her!'

Del stopped texting and listened to the music.

         'It's coming from over there,' he said pointing to the tower.  Jeri pulled his hand.

         'C'mon, let's go!'

Del shook his head, he stood rooted to the spot; he still hadn't finished his filter tip.

          'Don't go near that tower Jeri, nothing good ever came out of it,' he warned.

          'But listen to that, it's awesome!' Jeri said and let go of his hand. Del watched as she ran towards the music and he knew that she was lost to him. He could neither weep not speak, so he texted his mate Zach Ruru and asked what he should do. Now Zach was a wise young man and said : bro git a puppy, chicks luv dem

So Del set off to the Olde Animate Shoppe to find a canine that might win back the heart of a star struck maiden. He wandered through the door, past guinea pigs in foul smelling straw, sly kittens clawing carpet covered poles and turtles like rocks in their warm watery tanks, until he came to the dogs. There was a hairy beast with teeth as large as dragon fangs, a sleek hound baying for biscuits and a fat poodle with clan tartan coat, but he could not see a pup in sight. At last Del managed to attract the attention of an assistant. She was stout and kindly and reminded him of his grandmother who had been eaten by the wolves of Social Development long since.

           'I have but one small dog' said the woman, 'and it is very special with the power to charm all but the hardest of beings.' She reached inside her fleece and pulled out the tiniest pup imaginable, with ears like a bat and eyes like huge black baubles. It wore a pearl studded collar and trembled in the harsh light.

            'Gross, it looks like a rat,' said Del.

            'Hush, 'said the woman, 'it's a girl thing. One look into this dog's eyes and any one you desire will follow you to the ends of the earth.'

As she handed the minute animal to Del, she told him 'Her name is Daffodil and you must be very, very gentle with her: she has a fearsome bite.'

Del paid the woman all the money he had saved for a new spoiler, tucked the dog into his hoodie and journeyed off towards Avalon. The gates of the tower were heavily guarded by the witch's henchmen. Nobody could enter without a golden pass, which were kept on guard's belt. Del heard music coming from inside the tower, but outside people wept and moaned and threw themselves onto the ground in despair.

            'Why?' they cried, 'oh why are the judges so cruel?'

Del was terrified of what might be inside; wizards, torturers and makeup artists, but most especially the powerful witch. Summoning all his courage he walked up to the gate and took Daffodil out of his hoodie and showed her to the guards.

             'Awww!' said Lars, the fairer of the two, 'Who's a bootiful widdle puppy den?'

Whilst Lars played with Daffodil's ears and kissed her little nose, Del was able to lift a golden pass from the guard's belt.

            'Pass!' barked Ralf, the other guard. Del showed him his card of gold and was let inside the gates. He followed the music up a long corridor until he came to a green door. From behind it came moaning and wails and the occasional right chord. He was sure Jeri was in there but as he turned the handle, a chilling voice said behind him,

             'Have you come for the audition?'

Del turned and found himself staring into the bloodless face of the witch herself. She poked him with her sharp finger. He thrust Daffodil at her, rather too roughly and the dog snapped, biting and tearing at the witch's hands, ruining years of expensive manicures. Whilst the witch screamed and called for her guards, Del yanked open the Green Room door. Twenty five surprised maidens and a few buff young men turned to look in surprise. The wailing stopped as they swallowed back their song practice.

            'Del! What are you doing here?' asked Jeri, walking to the front of the crowd wearing nothing but small silver shorts and an inappropriate tee-shirt.

             'I've come to save you!' said Del, 'from yourself!' he bent down and picked up the dog who had finished savaging the witch outside, 'and, I have bought you this.'

              'You'll need more than that' said Jeri, ignoring the dog, 'I've got through to second round!'

Del looked at her and realised they would never live happily ever after, not whilst she had a microphone in her hand. He turned to leave and bumped into Lars who was daubing the witch's hands with Dettol.

              'Here,' he said, handing the little dog to the guard, 'her name is Daffodil, you can keep her.'

As he walked back up the corridor, he heard Lars running to catch up.

              'Wait,' shrieked the witch, 'come back to me this minute.'

              'No!' yelled Lars over his shoulder, 'I'm going with him.'

The witch screamed at him and demanded to know why her faithful servant would leave her.

              'Because, now I have Daffodil,' replied Lars, 'and you don't bring me flowers anymore.'

                                                                   
(bahahahahahahahaha!!!)

Illustration news!

So only two more days until Northwrite! and I am busy preparing my workshops so we all have a spectacular time, get really energised and come away with new vigour around writing, illustrating, presenting, social media and the world of story (I'm doing the illustration and presenting bits!)

What we won't be doing is painting portraits like this one; a commission in the style of J.H Lynch  If it was an illustration masterclass like my dear friend and wonderful children's book author and illustrator Ruth Paul went to in Boston, then we might be! (lots of fantasy art there!) However, if you are about in Wellington on Saturday 3rd November, you have a chance to hear Ruth talk about her experience there at a special Illustration seminar that the Wellington Children's Book Association is putting on.

We will have great guest speakers talking about children's book illustration and myself and the fabulously talented Adele Jackson will be introducing Portmanteau; a new illustration assessment service we have set up (more to come on that next week when the site goes live!)

TTFN

NorthWrite 2012

I'm really excited! NorthWrite is just around the corner and I'll be winging my way up to Whangarei to run two workshops and participate in a panel on The Business of Writing. I'll be in great company with some of my most favourite people and I can't wait to break out those illustration materials to show even the most terrified-of-drawing participants how to create illustration that is really fun, cool and usable. It's an unusual workshop min that I'll be showing you in a non digital way how Photoshop works and if it can work for you! You don't need any Adobe experience at all- heck, you won't even lay your hands on a mouse (unless you want to illustrate the scurrying kind!). I'm also doing a presentation on presenting. How to Front Up. What you need to know to manage a room and engage an audience. Sound interesting?

Check out the full programme  and register now!

I look forward to seeing you there :)

Storylines Festival!

some of the crafts we are making!

It's Storylines Season! We have the Wellington Storylines Family Day happening on Sunday 19th at The Michael Fowler Centre from 10am-3pm. Come and meet authors and illustrators, be captivated by storytellers and make some awesome crafts (designed by moi, the Queen of  Crafts!) Did I mention it is FREE? Grab a kid or three and come along for a fantastically fun day in the wild world of children's books!

Margaret Mahy Treasure Chair

Hi everyone, here are the instructions for the 'Down The Back Of The Chair' Craft (over on a separate page) Have fun and don't forget August 11th is Read Aloud Day  so head off to your local Library to hear New Zealand Authors and Illustrators reading from their favourite Margaret Mahy books! I'm going to be at Wellington Central Library and I'll be demonstrating this craft there too! 

Start Me Up

I've been guilty of lounging about sighing and wondering where my career is going. I do so many things: illustration, writing, wearable art, painting, comedy, running workshops, drinking good coffee...I have confused myself entirely. However I've never been an entrepreneur, so to add to the rabbits running around inside my head I signed up for the Wellington Startup Weekend figuring that one should never die wondering.

Three days before the event I got windy. no, it wasn't a case of too many beans or the capital's weather. I was worried that I couldn't add any value, that nobody would pick me to be on their team, that I wasn't techy enough, savvy enough, designery enough or young enough. It would be like being picked for a netball squad with everyone avoiding the short unfit one.

So this is how it went:

On Friday night we gathered at the BizDojo in Vivian St with a few beers and burgers. Dave Moskovitz ran us through what we'd be doing, how the weekend would go and what we needed to know. We played a game which involved brainstorming crazy business ideas in teams then doing a one minute pitch. This was pure fun and allowed for start ups of the most preposterous kind. Our team came up with Bear's Badgers; robotic programmable badgers that would dig you out of the rubble come the big one in Wellington. We'd promote it with a reality TV show hosted by Bear Grylls where buildings were blown up and the badgers are sent in. All extremely implausible and un PC, but we had ridiculous fun. I was thrown up there by the team to pitch it and found that my years of presenting on TV, to groups and schools and of course my foray into stand up comedy was incredibly useful. The feedback (after beer) was that people had no idea what we had come up with but they really wanted one!

 

Then came the real stuff. 47 people got up and proposed ideas for business and who they would need to make them come alive. The ideal team comprised designers, developers and marketers. I wondered at this point where an illustrator who has a way with egg cartons would fit in this mix. My skills with InDesign are limited, I cannot write code and I do not have an MBA.  You could go and join up with any person whose idea you liked the best and was looking for team members so that's what I did. I decided not to care too much that I was from the arts and crafts end of the creative world, but I did make sure the team had someone there with real design know how and I pulled in another one walking past just to be certain that I wouldn't be made to struggle with creating web page graphics in a program I bumble about in. Is that lazy of me? I don't think so- it's all about finding people with key skills. I still had no idea what I could contribute and figured that if nothing else I could bring the others coffee and 'know my limits'.

I can say with relief that I did not become the tea lady.

I'm going to spare you a blow by blow account of what we did and how we did it. If you really want to know how this thing works, join the next StartUp near you- travel across country to it if you have to. But these are some of the things I found myself doing:

Internet research on product and affiliation programmes, canvassing opinions from people on the street on facebook, by phone, calling clothing designers, emailing, texting, trying out competitors product... at one point this involved me stripping down to my undies in the corridor and using their webcam software to take my body measurements. Possibly the website is a have and I am now on YouTube somewhere exciting 80 year old men- I don't think I did much for the 20 something designers who happened upon me with my laptop on their way to the bathroom!

I found myself contributing to discussions and decisions about how the product we were developing should look and feel, how it might work in the marketplace, where the revenue streams might come from. These are the sort of conversations I avoid; I always just want to do the painting and drawing bits and leave the business stuff to suits. I found myself using words like Marketplace Validation and Minimum Viable Product and understanding what those things mean. We used the Lean Canvas which was invaluable and I shall forever use this as my template when coming up with any new idea that I want to promote and sell.

We had incredible mentors who sought us out, asked us the hard questions and told us how to get to the answers. A high point for me was that our pitch coach was Helen Baxter from Mohawk Media. I listen to her on Afternoons with Jim Mora and she is just as gorgeous and bubbly and smart in real life. I was a little bit star struck (and this from a woman who has been a television presenter for years). I'm not going to tell you what we pitched, because it's an idea that someone else came up with and may develop further without my continued involvement. It's his IP and as he's an IP Laywer (but a young very laid back long haired dude) then it's really best to respect that! But I CAN tell you that he and I pitched it together for the team. I did the first bit to engage the audience and outline the marketplace problem and he talked through the solution and product.

The hours were long and crazy (bed at 2am), the highs were high, the lows were low. The three days were a compressed version of what setting up a new enterprise over a longer period of time is. It starts with A Great Idea! lots of enthusiasm and a sense of 'We are going to take over the world/NZ/Wellington/Cuba St'. Adrenalin and excitement. Then comes research and seeing someone has done it or the costs will be too high and the revenue nil or simply that nobody needs or wants it. Then rehashing, pivoting, spinning and just making a decision goddammit! Then working like crazy to make a prototype and business case.

People came up with working apps, live websites and signed up customers- OVER A WEEKEND when it's hard to get in touch with anyone. The stops that were pulled out were incredible. One team even took on learning new programming to get their product out. When developers say they need 3 months...they CAN actually do it sooner (well maybe not totally scoped out!) We all can. Amazing things are possible with a dedicated team over a short period of time.

One site which touched all our hearts was NZ Cancer Supporters led by Nick White a cancer survivor to wanted to set up a network. They got 1050 members in 24 hours. Extraordinary courage led that one. They got the People's Choice Award. There were other incredible ideas and the one that won is in education and it is sooo cool if you see the word Questo sometime, then this is how it came about.

So, have I got a fabulous new innovative app or business I shall make my millions from and will I be featuring on the rich list anytime soon?

No. But what I did achieve was pulling myself out of the thinking that this economy is so f*cked and business is so mercenary that there is no room for an aging illustrator like myself in the world. I found that I can be useful, I don't have to do everything myself in order to achieve, my head is NOT filled with fluffy kittens, I know my shit and that there are many ways of skinning a cat. Market Validation? I got Fifi Validation, and that my friends, puts me on a rich list that has nothing to do with dollars.

Fitting in a poem

Fitting In- Fifi Colston

It's National Poetry Day, so to mark it, here is my contribution. I may have posted this before so apologies if you've seen it. I wrote in when living in Bristol and feeling a little short on networks. I had to work really hard to make contacts and this is a reflection of how I felt. Tonight I'm about to make a whole bunch and I am feeling both excited and terrified by the prospect. It's the Wellington Startup weekend and I am about to throw myself into the lion's den. My worries that I'm too fluffy a kitten or too old a cat have be ignored as I put on my gladiatorial suit and see what happens! I will report back with a full run-down on Monday (if I am not too exhausted). 

Fitting In…

Do you ever stand there looking

At the bottom of your drink

Thinking ‘Any minute now’

‘I’m going to throw up in the sink’ ?

And this is not a symptom of

Some alcohol abuse

Because what’s filling up your glass

Is only orange juice.

You’re the designated driver

And it’s just as you had feared;

Your party going partner has

Completely disappeared.

You know that you should mingle

But you don’t know where to start

You can barely hear the music for

The thudding of your heart.

Everybody in the room

Is full of bonhomie

And seem oblivious to you

Whilst bonding cheerfully.

So when you find this happening

Do you soldier on alone?

Or slug down half a pint of gin

And take a taxi home.